# Workplace Surgery: Handling an Uncomfortable Co-worker - **Episode:** [109](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/109.md) (2024-06-25) - **Type:** workplace-surgery - **Tags:** workplace-issues, co-worker-conflict, communication - **Time:** 22:47–27:02 (start 1367s) - **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/109?t=1367](https://truthliesandwork.com/109?t=1367) --- [22:47] Leanne Elliott: Yes [22:47] Al Elliott: I've recently— this is what they've written— I've recently started a new shift at my job, and while I'm on good terms with most of my coworkers, there's one who consistently makes me feel uncomfortable. This male coworker, who often interacts strangely with myself and another female colleague, says things that feel inappropriate. Despite sharing my concerns, they're usually dismissed by management with comments like, oh, that's just how he is, or he's harmless. This coworker has crossed boundaries multiple times, making me uneasy. For example, he once asked my personal email without clear reason, and he made a really weird remark about my typing skills, implying a level of admiration that felt a bit weird. Additionally, when my husband came to work, he acted very intrusively, pretending to verify who he was by grabbing his name badge and pretending to study it carefully [23:35] Leanne Elliott: Hmm [23:36] Al Elliott: His comments about having dinner together and offering to buy me things also contribute to my discomfort. So while others seem to accept his behavior, I can't shake the feeling they do so to avoid further issues. This situation has led me to avoid him and dread his presence at work. So given this coworker's only around once or twice a month, I'm torn between keeping my distance or addressing the issue with my supervisor. I don't wanna be responsible for someone losing their job, but I also don't wanna continue feeling uncomfortable at work. So should I tell a supervisor? Should I just avoid him and hope the situation improves on Its own [24:11] Leanne Elliott: Leah. This is tricky, isn't it? And you know, it's tricky because there are— I'm sure there will be lots of people listening going, oh, just get over it, it's not that bad, he's a bit weird. But, but you know, the, the sad, the sad fact is that often women will present complaints like this and they will be ignored, and a percentage of them will escalate to a much more serious scenario. So management should be taking all concerns like this very seriously and addressing, um, that with, with the individual who's making you feel uncomfortable, whether that is intentional or not. It's not about intentionality, it's just about how this person's behaviour is impacting your experience at work. As we know, workplace culture is defined by the worst behaviours tolerated. My issue wouldn't be with, if I was your manager, that I'd necessarily think this person means to be intimidating or means to make you feel uncomfortable, more that they're lacking self-awareness and therefore that conversation needs to be had for their own good, both in this job and in the future as well. I would be inclined to raise it with your manager again. I'd be very specific in terms of the instances that have happened that are making you feel uncomfortable and why. If there is a place to escalate it beyond your supervisor, your manager, whether that be to a regional, or even ask that somebody from regional sits in in this meeting, or HR representative sits in with this meeting as well. It seems as though if you've not been able to resolve it with your supervisor so far, or indeed with the person who is making you feel uncomfortable, that you are going to have to escalate this to the next level. I wouldn't be inclined to just let it go. Because I also think as well, this is where, um, you know, kind of organizationally speaking, socially speaking, um, these behaviors can continue, um, in terms of, of making people feel uncomfortable, whether they are women, whether they are, um, people of color, whether it be anybody, whether it be, you know, a guy who's really good looking. Um, it's these kind of social norms and constructs that if they don't get corrected will continue. So, yeah, I would raise that. I would try and escalate it beyond that. I mean, the other option, depending on where you are, if you are in the UK, you could contact somebody like ACAS to see exactly what your rights are. But really, it's those internal channels. And if that still doesn't work, I guess the other thing you could do is ask to not be on shift with this person. If it's only twice a month, I can't imagine it'd be that disruptive in terms of the scheduling. So, go for a more practical approach like that and avoid this person altogether [26:34] Al Elliott: Excellent advice. I mean, one of the last, one of the things I'd add on to this, just from what you've said before, I think, is that if you do keep some kind of email chain, so even if your manager says, well, there's not, you know, they've not done anything to warrant taking action, then just by emailing every time it happens, sending a quick email saying, I don't expect you to do anything about this, but I just want to flag it. You've got then that audit trail. So if it does escalate, you've got something to, to kind of provide evidence, I suppose [26:59] Leanne Elliott: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Good advice. Okay