# Self-leadership as the foundation

- **Episode:** [113](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/113.md) (2024-07-09)
- **Type:** interview
- **Tags:** self-leadership, foundation, leadership
- **Time:** 22:23–31:20 (start 1343s)
- **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/113?t=1343](https://truthliesandwork.com/113?t=1343)

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[22:23] Alexis Zahner: So, self-leadership is, at Human Leaders, what we deem to be the foundation of human leadership. And self-leadership We define this as doing the continuous work of understanding yourself. So for us, it has some very critical core pillars, and that includes firstly what we call our internal self-awareness. So actually getting to know ourselves, what we value, what our priorities are, you know, what that best version of ourselves looks like. So we actually have some guideposts to understand when we are in alignment or not. Other parts of that as well include our emotional wisdom. So this is really akin to emotional intelligence, EQ, and that's really the attunement to what's going on inside us and using things like our emotions as wise guides to tell us perhaps when we are moving away from our values, when our boundaries are being violated. It's getting to understand that internal world a little more and what's actually showing up for us. And lastly, and I don't want to I don't want this to sound too jargony, but the last core pillar of our self-leadership model is what we call empowered agency. And this is really taking discerning action to have the impact you desire. So it's firstly understanding what you have control over, and then it's taking action as a person, whether it be in a leadership setting or in your personal life, taking action towards what we know we have control over in the direction that we want to head. Based on that vision of ourselves, really. So self-leadership— for a leader to truly be human-centered, they have to create the space and take some intentional time to really get to know themselves well so they can actually show up in that really authentic way with the ability to connect to other people on that deeper level. And, you know, to speak to that, even in my own personal experience, I think what happens for many people is if they've never done this work before, It's going to simply feel like perhaps they're moving towards something, but there's no real orientation where. They're moving forward, but there's no true north. So that's what it can feel like, and that's what it felt like in my young career. I was moving forward, I was getting pay rises and acquiring a nice car and a this and a that, but I didn't really understand why, and I didn't really understand why it wasn't feeling good either. So that is sort of some of the inclination that we can have that maybe we're not actually attuned to some of these pieces of self-leadership. And, you know, I guess one thing to sort of caveat on that, we can't come to this realization that that's not who we want to be for a few reasons and sometimes for a period of time. Some of us don't even recognize that that's unfulfilling. And maybe we don't come to that realization in this lifetime. You know, I have a lot of beautiful family and friends around me who don't understand the choices I've made and the direction my life's gone in based on what it looks like 10 years ago. Because from what it looks like to them, I had it all going on. But what they didn't realize was that this deep level of lack of fulfillment and existential dread every day was what was really pulling me under. So for some of us, maybe we're not ready to have that realization. So the first thing I would just say is that Apply this to yourself. Don't try and talk someone else into thinking that they need to go on this journey because we can't. We have to come to the realization ourselves. So the first thing I would say for someone who does want to take themselves on this journey through self-leadership is firstly, congratulations. Secondly, strap in because it's not always easy. It's not always sunshine and rainbows. We're unpacking sometimes some uncomfortable uncomfortable truths about ourselves. And it's really a bit of an ego deep dive to an extent. So the most logical place to start, I feel, is getting clear on what is important to you. And when I say that, we like to start this at Human Leaders with an exercise that's called like your best self or your best day ever. So it's just getting clear on how do you want to feel every day versus what do you want to acquire? What do you want to have? How do you want to wake up in the morning? Who do you want to be surrounded by? How do you want to feel in your day-to-day? What makes you feel like you're contributing to the world around you in a meaningful way? Most of us cannot answer that question, and I certainly could not through my first, you know, 30 years of life and career. So that's a really nice place to start. And go gentle with yourself when you're asking yourself those questions, because often the answers will be really unclear. Because we've not been attuned to our intuition for a really long time. We've been acting out of external validation, again, like I was. It sounds like you were too, Al. These things look great on paper. And it's really easy when we get the validation from the world around us that those things look great, and so we should be chasing them. So often that little voice of intuition is so tucked away and so hidden, we don't know where to find it anymore. But start with that
[27:28] Leanne Elliott: Yeah
[27:28] Alexis Zahner: Start also in terms of the emotional wisdom piece, just start attuning to the things that make you feel good and the things that don't. I've heard this sort of discussed in a different way, but how often, for instance, if you have a partner and they come home and say to you, what would you like for dinner, Mexican or Italian? And if you're someone who says, I don't know, you choose. Quite often, almost every time, that's a lie. We have an underlying preference. We've just become so used to pushing our own needs and our own preferences down that we'll let other people choose or whatever for us. So just start tuning into when you're asked questions, would you like to do this? Would you like that? Certain people that you're around, how they make you feel. Just start tuning in to that inner world and how certain stimulus is making you feel, because very, very often we're just super detached from our emotions and the messages that they're trying to give us. And then lastly, after we've sort of done a bit of that work, when it comes to the agency piece, when we start getting those inclinations around what feels good, what we might want to do, what does light us up, start to unpack what within that you can make small incremental changes within. So whether it's a shift in career or maybe it's just taking up some hobbies on the side for the meantime that's safe. It's not going to be a drastic change. And just start investing some time and energy in those things that feel good and that you have control over. So that would be where I would say to start. And it feels like I'm sort of suggesting this in a very personalized way, but know that applying this to you as an individual will directly impact how you lead and how you show up in your career and in your workplace. So we're integrated beings. We, you know, we can't separate who we are at home and at work, um, believe it or not. So the more we do this work on ourselves, um, at an individual level, the more it filters through in, in how we lead, um, and how we show up in our career
[30:55] Al Elliott: It can
[31:03] Leanne Elliott: But come back
[31:03] Al Elliott: Yeah, come back. Definitely come back because Nudge isn't as good as this. So come back. I'll cut that out. Keep that in
[31:13] Leanne Elliott: Welcome back. Let's rejoin the interview where poor Al tries to get his head around the term emotional wisdom