# Stress bragging: the hidden cost of wearing busy as a badge - **Episode:** [120](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/120.md) (2024-08-06) - **Type:** news-roundup - **Tags:** stress, workplace-culture, burnout - **Time:** 2:44–7:20 (start 164s) - **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/120?t=164](https://truthliesandwork.com/120?t=164) --- [2:44] Leanne Elliott: I have a new word, or a new term. Okay, kind of. Um, I, I don't think you'll need the definition for this necessarily, But it's something that I've seen talked about more frequently and using this term. You ready for it? [2:56] Al Elliott: I'm ready. Hit me [2:57] Leanne Elliott: Stress bragging [2:59] Al Elliott: Stress bragging [3:00] Leanne Elliott: Stress bragging. It's when we talk about how stressed we are in a way that hints at our importance and serves as a badge of honour [3:08] Al Elliott: I hate that. I really hate that [3:11] Leanne Elliott: Yeah. I mean, you know those conversations, don't you? Someone goes, oh, you have no idea how busy I am. It's so stressful. Um, it's boasting. It's maybe seeking validation for how hard people are working, how packed their schedules are. For some reason, it's cool to be busy. Busy means successful. We respect busy in others. Or do we? So a recent study published by Personnel— in Personnel Psychology by Jessica Rodell and her team took a closer look at this phenomenon. They found that stress bragging can actually alienate our co-workers, making us seem less warm and even less competent. So here's how they figured it out. The study involved 360 US-based participants who read one of 4 different scenarios about a co-worker returning from a conference. In one scenario, the co-worker simply said that the trip was good and shared the location of next year's conference. In another, they mentioned that things had been quite stressful lately. In the 3rd scenario, they stress bragged, saying the conference was good but adding, it was just one more thing on my full plate. You have no idea the stress I'm under. Lastly, there was a scenario where the coworker bragged about receiving an award and their thorough work but didn't mention stress. So after reading these scenarios, participants evaluated their colleague, and the results were pretty clear. Colleagues who engage in stress bragging were viewed as less warm and capable. People were also less inclined to help out their stress bragging colleagues compared to those who simply talked about stress or self-promoted. But that's not all. The second part of the study looked at the broader impacts of stress bragging. This time, 187 of employees and co-workers participated, filling out 3 surveys over 6 weeks. They shared their perceptions of their co-workers' stress bragging and reported their own stress levels. Similar to the first study, co-workers who were seen as stress braggers were viewed as less competent and warm, and their teammates also reported feeling more stressed and burnt out themselves. So what's going on here? Well, the authors suggest that stress bragging creates a transfer of stress rather than camaraderie. So instead of bonding, it contributes to general anxiety at work. Hearing a coworker stress brag can make us compare ourselves, worry about our own stress or lack of, and our own importance or indeed lack of, to be reminded of unfinished tasks and so on. So yeah, stress bragging might feel good, but other people aren't liking it, aren't buying it. The good news is though, if you want to vent about work, then you can do it. So simply talking about stress without making yourself seem indispensable or self-important doesn't make people think less of you. So the key is how you frame it. Venting at the proverbial water cooler, if you will, can still foster camaraderie if done right. Um, if you're curious, I'll leave a link to the full paper in the show notes. But yeah, um, I also love the name of the paper. It's called I'm So Stressed, um, which is brilliant. Um, so yeah, there you go. Stress bragging, it's not cool. People don't like it. Alastair, thoughts? [6:20] Al Elliott: This is what I think. I think that anyone who brags about how stressed they are are deeply insecure about the work that they're producing. Because those people who very quietly get on with stuff and then go home at 5 and have a lovely life generally bring— do great work. It's a bit like, you know, when you're on a train, and it might— I don't think it's the same in the US or Australia or anywhere else, but in the UK, you're on a train, there's always some knobhead who opens their, their stupid IBM ThinkPad and then gets on the phone and goes, yeah, I'm on a train, I'm on a train, so I can't really talk, but let me tell you just how quite Just briefly for the, for the purpose of the carriage, how important I am and why, and just tell you, do this and you do that. And it's just like, oh, will you please kindly FO? Because it's just, just bragging. It sounds really stupid. It sounds really just insecure and cringey, really [7:11] Leanne Elliott: Yeah, I think it's, it's maybe some of the pushback of this hustle culture, isn't it? Where you need to be up at 5:00 AM and in the gym and then an hour of mindfulness meditation and then some— [7:20] Al Elliott: An ice bath [7:20] Leanne Elliott: Yeah, butter and coffee or something. Um, yeah, I think people are starting to see through it and kind of thinking, well, actually, I think the respect now goes to people who have more balance, um, or more integration, however you want to look at it. Um, but yeah, I think, I think stress, people understand it more. People know that real stress is actually really bad for you. Um, so it's really like someone bragging about how unwell they are and how they're not looking after themselves. Um, and that's a bit, a bit weird, isn't it, really? It's interesting that, that there's some research, you know, coming out on our viewpoints of this, and maybe sentiment is, is shifting. There you go. As I said, I'll leave a link to the full article in the show notes if you're interested. Al, what have you seen this week?