# Workplace Surgery: Politely declining extra tasks

- **Episode:** [124](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/124.md) (2024-09-03)
- **Type:** workplace-surgery
- **Tags:** declining-work, boundaries, workplace-advice
- **Time:** 31:59–39:13 (start 1919s)
- **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/124?t=1919](https://truthliesandwork.com/124?t=1919)

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[31:59] Al Elliott: Fabulous. Okay, Lee, I've got a rather bit of a sad one for, uh, for question number 3
[32:04] Leanne Elliott: Yeah
[32:05] Al Elliott: I know, but I think it's an important one that I think we need to, uh, need, you need to give us an answer to. Okay, so question number 2, Leanne. I've been feeling completely swamped with work. The thing is, my teammates keep handing me extra tasks and I'm struggling to keep up. I want to say no, I've got enough on my plate, But I don't want them to think I'm not a team player or that I don't care about the work and the deadline. Is there a way to very politely and respectfully decline taking on these extra tasks without coming across as unhelpful or aloof? Bit of extra information. Apparently there is a performance review coming up with a manager, and this person is a little bit concerned that if it goes to the manager, the manager is going to think they can't do the job and they, they will just get rid of them
[32:49] Leanne Elliott: It's really hard to say no. And particularly, you know, we do have this, this tricky thing with being people pleasers. We want— most of us want to, to say yes to people and not say no. Saying no is hard. But it's getting to the point now where saying yes all the time is having a really negative impact on, on your sense of wellbeing, your stress levels, and over time, probably your performance
[33:14] Al Elliott: Yeah
[33:15] Leanne Elliott: So, I think this is really about having a bit of a moment of self-preservation and self-prioritisation. The first thing I would do is to kind of, just to kind of bring you some kind of clarity, is just write down everything you need to do and at what point you need to do it by. And I don't know what your job is. I don't know if it's quite task-based, whether it's project-based, but just have an idea of what you've got on, when it needs to be done by, and realistically, the number of hours you're going to have to put into it to get that stuff done. My feeling is that once you've done that, you're going to realise how overstretched you are and actually how you might already struggle to do the work that you've got in. So, don't panic if that's the case. This is all about gaining clarity over what you've got in. What that's going to do is it's going to give you some data, it's going to give you some logic to say to your colleagues, I'm sorry, I can't do that. Mm-hmm. Because I've got X, Y, and Z on at the moment. But you know what? Once this project is done on Friday, come chat to me again on Monday. I might have a bit more capacity for you. The thing is as well, if this isn't your job to do it, you're well within your rights to just say no and just politely say, "I'm sorry, I don't have the time." Have you asked the manager if somebody else can help you with that? Have you asked somebody else in the team if they can help you with that? You're gonna have to. Basically learn to say no. And there's no real nice way to say no when someone wants something from you. They're still going to be irritated by the fact you said no. So the only thing you can really do is, is cushion it, cushion it for them and cushion it for you. You by knowing it's the right decision for you based on your current work and your current wellbeing, and cushion it for them by, by helping them maybe pursue other options of avenues of help that they might be able to look at. Ultimately, I'm a bit let down by your manager at this point because I'm surprised they haven't noticed something. I'm surprised they haven't picked up on this. I'm surprised that it's standard behaviour that people are giving you extra work without your job role. I would always encourage you to go and try and have a conversation with your manager if you can to say that, you know, just to clarify what your role is. Just, and you don't have to name names. You don't have to say, oh, you know, Jennifer keeps giving me this and Fred keeps saying this. Just kind of go, what is it? What are the expectations here in terms of helping people out, taking on extra tasks, doing extra work? Um, because I'm really happy to do it. I just want to make sure I'm not taking on too much or I'm not stepping on anyone's toes. And just try and get a sense of what the expectations are. Again, this comes down to expectations within teams not being set and roles not being clear. So I think that's, that's the thing, is, is really look at, look at saying no, looking at getting on top of your own workload before you say yes to anything else, and try and have a conversation with your manager about what is actually within the expectations of, of you to be taking on extra tasks. Because I think the one thing we can all agree on is this isn't sustainable. It's just figuring out the, the best way to, to move forward. And I think as well, we're also making assumption collectively again that your colleagues are going to have a negative reaction to you saying no. It might be that if you explain, you know, look, I'm, I'm, I can't, I've got this to do by this day, I'm already being honest feeling a bit overwhelmed, I could probably do with some help myself, you might find that they'll go, oh, I didn't realize, I'll speak to, I'll speak to Jeffrey, he'll be able to take something on. Or it sounds like you're, you're holding a lot in and there needs to be some more transparency and communication. And of course that, that puts you in a vulnerable position because you've not kind of explained much about dynamics of your team. And we don't know, as I mentioned before, psychological safety. We don't know how much psychological safety is there. Um, but ultimately, it's gonna, it's gonna take a little testing of the waters to see what initial reaction you get. If you get a very negative reaction, that's a different problem entirely. Um, and, and one that, that is, is, yeah, a bit, a bit more difficult to solve. So, if you do that and that happens right and again, and we'll chat about that. But I think at this point, you're gonna have to just take some trust and faith in your colleagues actually. They're not bad people. They might just wrongly assume you have the capacity, um, and this just needs a little bit of sorting out
[37:26] Al Elliott: Some of the language you're using in here again suggests to me that you don't like saying no, that you've maybe not said no in the past, which is why you're in this pickle, um, right now. So like Leanne said, think about all those things, but just try. Find someone on your team who, who you think they'd be the most amenable to you saying no to something. And try it out with them and just go, look, I'm really sorry, I can't take on what you want me to take on because— and this is the most important thing, this is, this is a marketing and psychological Robert Cialdini influence— because— and give them a reason why you can't take it on rather than just, I can't do it. There's, there's a whole spectrum of responses, but it sounds like if you're going to go, if you're going to push back and you haven't pushed back before, you're probably getting either— you're probably going to get some surprised people
[38:13] Leanne Elliott: Yeah
[38:13] Al Elliott: You might even get some angry people, but over time, learning how to say no is far more important than learning how to say yes, because you're just going to burn out. And that's what's going to happen. And then you won't be doing any of this because you'll be off sick
[38:25] Leanne Elliott: Yeah, absolutely. Like we said, it's self-preservation, self-prioritisation. Test those waters, you know, pick the, pick the colleague you think will respond the most positively. And if you can have this conversation with your manager when it rolls around to performance review, or even before then, And I would come at it from a very practical view, a view of role clarity. Can I just get an understanding of what is expected within my role? What's expected in terms of supporting the rest of the team? Because I don't want to, I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want to do anything I'm not meant to be doing. I want to make sure I'm helping in all the right places. Um, that, yeah, positive spin. But ultimately, I think it's, it's on your manager to, to be aware of this. And if you have been kind of shielding it from them, then bringing them into that loop will ultimately be a good thing