# Story 3: Thanksgiving Table Debate Advice from the APA

- **Episode:** [148](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/148.md) (2024-11-26)
- **Type:** news-roundup
- **Tags:** thanksgiving, family-dynamics, communication
- **Time:** 13:46–19:00 (start 826s)
- **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/148?t=826](https://truthliesandwork.com/148?t=826)

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[13:46] Leanne Elliott: I thought it might be, um, I thought it might be fun, uh, to talk about, um, how Thanksgiving, um, especially given recent events in, in the US, there may be, um, some people that are a bit apprehensive about going home this Thanksgiving. Um, this is what I'm thinking now. Imagine, close your eyes, let this, let this image swell, swell, float, fill your mind. You've got, you've got the smell of roasted turkey, it's wafting through the house. We'll pretend you do. The table is adorned with pumpkin-themed place cards. The family is gathered. Kids are giggling, grandparents are reminiscing, cousins sneaking a taste of the stuffing. And then just as everyone digs in, somebody casually drops, so what do you think about the election? And just like that, the cozy atmosphere teeters on the edge of disaster. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, Stress levels are sky high this time of year, with 77% of adults citing the future of the nation as a major concern. Add in the usual holiday pressures like time, money, and finding the perfect balance between turkey and yams, it's a recipe for tension. Um, any Brits listening who aren't entirely sure what yam is, same. I asked an American colleague recently and I was told that they're kind of like a sweet potato but with more drama. She said think softer, sweeter, orangey goodness that shows up every Thanksgiving, usually drenched in marshmallows and brown sugar. I'm pretty sure it's a vegetable. Um, it's basically dessert pretending to be dinner. Thank you for that excellent explanation, Anna. Um, so anyway, Dr. Norman Epstein—
[15:19] Al Elliott: Hopefully no, no relation
[15:22] Leanne Elliott: It's not his fault if he is
[15:24] Al Elliott: Good point
[15:25] Leanne Elliott: We're talking about family arguments, so maybe this is, you know, anyway
[15:29] Al Elliott: Imagine his Thanksgiving table. The conversation you're gonna have
[15:32] Leanne Elliott: Anyway, Dr. Norman is an expert in family dynamics and says it's all about motives. If you're tempted to jump into a heated discussion, ask yourself, what's my goal here? If it's to win the argument, maybe take a step back. After all, wouldn't you rather remember the day for laughter and loveliness and maybe a second helping of pie? Um, so yeah, instead try focusing on understanding. Ask questions, listen, show genuine curiosity. about somebody else's perspective. You don't have to agree, but giving space for different views can ease tensions. And if things do get heated, remember to fight fair. Use I statements like, I feel differently about that, and steer clear of blame. And most importantly, don't interrupt
[16:17] Al Elliott: Don't what? Sorry
[16:18] Leanne Elliott: Lol. Don't interrupt, Al. Respect is a secret ingredient for any conversation, especially the tough ones. And here's a really important one, and sometimes it's just the best course of course of action, let it go. Put it in that big red balloon and let it go. Agree to disagree. Not every debate needs a resolution, um, especially when you've got yams to eat, right? Um, you might be thinking as a business owner, particularly a British one, Leanne, why are you talking about this? Um, well, it's, it's a business podcast and you're right, um, it is. But for business leaders, this type of conflict management is, uh, take it, take it as your weekly leadership development session. Everything I've just said you can apply in your business, particularly when we're in this current state of a bit of political polarization and divide. More on that, go back to the episode we did recently with Kat and Liz about how to have difficult conversations. But thought is a worthy reminder that if you are a leader and you've gone through some of this training before, you might want to just refresh yourself as you go back to a family dinner over Thanksgiving and the holidays. Our thoughts
[17:19] Al Elliott: I have no— nothing to add. After this very short break, we're back with this week's hot take from the man who describes himself as an ex-asshole boss, and of course, our world-famous weekly workplace surgery. See you in a second. Don't go anywhere. Come back for the yams and the chat
[18:45] Al Elliott: It can
[18:53] Leanne Elliott: But come back
[18:54] Al Elliott: Yeah, come back. Definitely come back because Nudge isn't as good as this. So come back. I'll cut that out. Keep that in