# Workplace Surgery: Supporting a Grieving Employee

- **Episode:** [148](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/148.md) (2024-11-26)
- **Type:** workplace-surgery
- **Tags:** grief, employee-support, mental-health
- **Time:** 36:18–43:55 (start 2178s)
- **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/148?t=2178](https://truthliesandwork.com/148?t=2178)

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[36:18] Leanne Elliott: Oh God
[36:18] Al Elliott: I know. I'm struggling with a delicate situation. One of my most valued team members lost their partner suddenly 6 weeks ago. Oh yeah, a bit sad. They've returned to work, and whilst I want to be supportive, I'm noticing some challenges. They're understandably struggling to focus and meet deadlines, which is affecting other team members who are picking up the slack. Some days they seem fine, others they're clearly not coping. Their team is being incredibly patient, but I can sense a slight growing frustration as we head into our busiest period. I've offered flexible hours and reduced workload, but client demands mean I can only do this for so long. How do I balance being a compassionate employer with maintaining the business's needs?
[36:59] Leanne Elliott: How long has this person been back in work?
[37:01] Al Elliott: I don't know, he doesn't say. But I mean, 6 weeks ago this person's partner passed away
[37:05] Leanne Elliott: Okay, so at most they've, they've, you know, at most they've probably been back in a month, right?
[37:10] Al Elliott: Yeah, you'd think, but I don't know what the What bereavement leave is, you know, what's recommended
[37:15] Leanne Elliott: But I think for a partner, it's usually fairly, fairly generous. 2 weeks to go, lost your partner, is not really long enough, is it? And I think that's the point. Yeah, you know, this is very fresh, very raw. This person will, will probably not really know the type of support that they need. This is, you know, a shocking traumatic event to go through, and it's going to take longer than 6 weeks to to even start to get to some, you know, normality in functioning, including work. This is really tricky. You said they're a valuable member of the team, um, so treat them as a valuable member of the team. The thing I would say first of all is educate yourself on grief, because there's lots of different, um, reactions to grief. There's, there's cognitive reactions to grief. Our memory gets worse
[38:06] Al Elliott: Yeah
[38:07] Leanne Elliott: We can become quite impulsive. Um, there's obviously the emotional reaction— we're sad, we're angry. Um, there's, there's so many different aspects to it and how it impacts us. Educating yourself on that might help you recognize some signs of this person's grief that you're not necessarily recognizing as grief. So for example, some of these performance issues may be, may be a result of that. Um, it—
[38:31] Al Elliott: Yeah
[38:32] Leanne Elliott: It's really tricky, and I think the thing is to remember that grief isn't linear as a process. People process it in different ways. It takes different amounts of time, and they're gonna probably get— seem like they're much, much better, and then they could regress backwards again. This is gonna be a process, and at this point, you know, it is— you're gonna have to decide as a company, if you don't already have these policies in place, how are you gonna support this person as a valued member of the team? My recommendation would be to support them with all the resources that that you have able to, of course within the financial and commercial constraints of your business. I would say make sure this person is well supported by their manager. If you're their manager, then have these regular check-ins, work in consultation with this person. What do they need from you in this moment? What can they, um, how is work contributing to their processing this grief? It might be that actually work is the only time where they feel some sort of form of normality Or it might be the case that work is bringing normality that's so shocking to them that, you know, it's that guilt that you feel like you're getting over it because you're getting back in the swing of things. It's like time moves on. It's all really, really difficult, and I can't answer for this person because people process it in all sorts of ways. You're going to have to have these conversations with your member of staff and understand how best to support them. Flexible working is a great idea if that's what they want and what finds You know, is helpful. I would look at other things, like maybe looking at a job share at this point, having like a buddy in work that they can work on projects with so things aren't completely dropped if this person has a bad day and needs to take time off. Um, yeah, you're gonna have to make some decisions around the financial implications of this. It might be, so, you know, you can take time off as and when you need it, but I can only pay you for up to a certain amount. And that's a hard decision, but it's one that commercially you, you have to make your business and you'll know. what you'll be able to, to stretch to with that. Um, it's really hard. I had a member of staff who lost their partner, um, and it's very tricky. But you know what, I, I did push it, and I probably was commercially, you know, not so minded in that, in that moment. But she was an incredible member of staff, and when she did come back to work, we made sure it was a phased return first of all. So that's the other thing, is persons come back full-time, that might have been a bit too much a bit too soon
[40:52] Al Elliott: Yeah
[40:53] Leanne Elliott: We did a phased return to work. We were in touch every day chatting in terms of work, but also just in terms of how are you, how are you doing? You know, just being that, um, that emotional support for them in that moment as they need it as well. Because things— something's going to happen in their day at different points. It's gonna, you know, trigger a memory, trigger a thought of, of the person that they've lost. And, and it's, it's really— it's up and down. Um, but you know what, we went through that process and I don't know, maybe 3 or 4 months down the line, that person's performance was back up to where it was, and she was an exceptional member of the team and continued to be so. I don't know, for somebody in your business that contributes, can you afford 3 to 4 months to support them through one of the most devastating life events? Personally, in my business, yeah, we do give that time. But that's, you know, understand the commercial restraints that you're going to have in, in your business. So I'd say educate yourself. Um, create any type of plan in consultation with this member of staff and do the numbers now. Understand what you can afford to, to do in terms of flexible working, paid leave, time off at short notice, um, and that buddy system as well so that the team, um, you know, aren't getting frustrated. There might need to be some training for them as well in terms of, in terms of grief. And stay tuned, we actually have an episode on grief coming up in couple of weeks with somebody who is an advocate for supporting employees with bereavement and loss in the workplace. So stay tuned for that
[42:23] Al Elliott: Nicely said, Leanne. I obviously can't comment on the psychological side of it or the work culture side of it because that's Leanne's domain. What I can say from the commercial side of it is that whatever you invest into this member of staff right now in terms of money, resources, whatever, it almost certainly won't be forgotten. If you are the best person to see them, the best boss to see them through this really dark time, Then you potentially have got them for life. Someone who's going to be an advocate, someone who's going to fight your corner. So don't look at it purely in the, you know, in the, in the dollars and cents spreadsheet way. Just think about it. This is an investment. This is the, this is the way to prove that they are in the right place and that you are the right person for them to work for. So yeah, very sad. And I hope that, I hope I hope everyone in that situation has a slightly easier time
[43:15] Leanne Elliott: I'll leave a link. There's actually a pretty good guide that was developed by the British Psychological Society during COVID about that, how to manage loss, both in terms of an employee losing somebody or losing a colleague within the business. So I'll leave a link to that in the show notes. Maybe have a little read through that as well. That'll certainly be a really good starting point for educating yourself about the grief process
[43:39] Al Elliott: Fabulous. Now looking at this next one, um, I don't see a way to segue at all, so I'm just gonna— I'm just gonna turn the volume up a little bit and just pretend that we didn't have a very sad one and just say, right, question number 3, Leanne. That was really weird. Question number 3, Lan— Leanne— Lan—