# What does 'tough guy' really mean?

- **Episode:** [22](https://agents.truthliesandwork.com/episodes/22.md) (2023-01-17)
- **Type:** interview
- **Tags:** masculinity, tough-guy, stereotypes
- **Time:** 11:25–13:00 (start 685s)
- **Listen:** [https://truthliesandwork.com/22?t=685](https://truthliesandwork.com/22?t=685)

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[11:25] Jim Young: Yeah, there are quotes around tough guys in the subtitle. And it's because of this notion that what is a tough guy? And I interviewed a guy in the book, and he talked about how he felt that his role in life was to just take it on the chin, no matter what, to protect his family, to provide for them, and never let anybody see that anything ever hurt him. And that's not tough. I mean, that's the archetype that we've seen forever. And to be tough has been, you just bear up, you do whatever it takes, you suck it up. And I argue that that's not really tough, because if you look at statistics around things like divorce, addiction, heart disease, suicide, For men, they start to skyrocket when men get into their middle years, 50s in particular, around suicide is a real danger zone. And if you're a guy who's taking it on the chin, you're sucking it up, you're isolating, you're in burnout, and that's driving you to those conclusions that might end your life early or really compromise the quality of your life, you're not providing for your family. You're not protecting anyone. That is not tough. What is tough is to say, oh my God, I'm scared, or I need to cry, I need somebody right now, I need help, I'm suffering, to actually reveal what's really going on, that we can't handle everything all the time. That's just not normal